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Don T. called the other day, perplexed and pissed off,
And not because of his diminished gray coiffe,
But his late remarks about the Land of Green,
Saying, «Nukes? For Pete’s sake, that’s not what I mean!
Nukes leave behind a radiational fug:
Try conquering a land like that and feel smug.»
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I can now tell you that Don was truth-telling,
And why he wants to talk the Danes into selling.
This was some time ago when Don was a «former,»
And, taking flak ‘bout the earth’s not getting warmer,
Wanted to divert our American eyes
By reducing our debt, which’d really be wise:
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«A U.S. Greenland’s pure political wiles,
Dropping the ratio of national debt to square miles,
Which means more painless tax cuts and bingeing on debt,
Which will all be paid by the resources we get,
Since on cobalt and lith’ we’ll stiff the Chinese:
If there’s one thing I hate, it’s Xi to appease.»
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He asked me if that wasn’t a true stroke of G,
And while it’s unwise to with Don disagree,
I said to get miners there you’d have to compel,
And as the ice melts, t’would be hard to resell,
«Don, remember, it’s just ice you’re buying,
Which is water in a state of bare-faced lying.»
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Was Don discouraged? Not a bit, I would say.
In fact, he brightened and brainstormed away:
«That’s right,» said he, «‘bergs to water do turn:
Pure stuff at that, not from dead glaciers in Berne.
See where I’m going, Phil? Trump Water is born,
And against tap stuff I’ll Americans warn.»
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So: to invade or purchase? That is the question,
But nukes are out, what a silly obsession.
Don’s thinking is royalties for Greens and Danes,
On both water and metals, big win-win gains.
Don asked, «Who would say no to an offer that sick?
But in dealing it’s handy to hold a big stick.»